Cycle of Violence

My boyfriend tells me that I’m not worth fighting for and that I’m nothing and I’ll never be anything. If we were to work it out, how can I get him to stop?

- 18, Pennsylvania

Abuse is not just physical; it can also be verbal/emotional. Just because you’re not being hit doesn’t mean you’re not being harmed. No one deserves to be in a relationship that harms them. You deserve someone who will say and make you feel just the opposite, that you are everything and absolutely worth fighting for.

Sometimes it feels like a relationship is improving because the person begins to treat you better. Unforetunatly, that stage usually doesn’t last long and the abuse continues. This pattern is called the cycle of violence. In most situations it only gets worse and you keep experiencing abuse.

As much as you may want him to change, only he can make that happen. So you have to seriously consider what you want to do. But keep in mind that your health and well-being are what matter most.

Still have questions? Remember, you can ask us anything.

My boyfriend hit me last month, but he hasn't hit me since and had never done it before. Can it be a one-time thing instead of a sign of an abusive relationship?

- 16, Ohio

Remember that if violence happens in a relationship, there is a chance it will happen again. Although you may think the first hit is a one-time thing, it may be the first of many hits to come.

Every relationship is different, many follow a pattern called the cycle of violence. In this cycle, there are times when violence doesn’t happen, often for long periods of time.

But the longer you stay in the relationship, the more often you may be abused by your boyfriend. The abuse may also get more serious. Check out the Cycle of Violence handout for more information.

Still have questions? Remember, you can ask us anything.