Jealousy

Will my boyfriend's jealousy ever go away? Is there something I can do to make it better? How much should I put up with? He says that's just the way he is and that it just shows he cares about me. Is that true? Are jealous guys more likely to become abusive?

- 19, Alabama

Jealousy can be a big warning sign. It doesn’t exactly mean that you’re in an abusive relationship or that your boyfriend is abusive. What it does mean is that you should keep an eye on it to make sure that there isn’t a pattern of abusive behaviors. Overall, jealousy is not a positive feeling or expression because if two people truly trust and respect each other, then there is no need for jealousy.

A jealous person is not necessarily more likely to become abusive, but again, jealousy can be a warning sign of abuse; abuse can get worse over time. You may be noticing something in your relationship that may be unhealthy, though not necessarily abusive. The best thing to do is to communicate with your boyfriend and let him know what you like and don't like. You can encourage him to do the same—this is healthy. Healthy does not mean blaming someone, or putting them down or making them feel guilty. If he really cares about you, he will be willing to make positive changes for both of you.

It’s hard to say whether jealousy goes away--certain behaviors may not just disappear. The important thing to keep in mind is that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship where there IS trust and respect.

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