Legal Action

Can I get a restraining order?

- 24, New York

Each state has different guidelines or requirements for filing for and granting a restraining order. In addition, it may also depend on the specific circumstances, age and the type of relationship you have with the other person.

In most states, you must have a certain type of relationship in order to qualify for a domestic violence restraining order (order of protection in NY) against the other person. For example, the law might allow people who were once married to get a domestic violence restraining order, but not people who were just dating. Even if you don't qualify for a domestic violence restraining order, there may be another kind of restraining order you can qualify for. The best thing to do is to talk to someone in your community to find out more information.

As for the circumstances, in some states it may be enough for a person to have caused you deep emotional distress, while in others you may require documentation of a more specific act. Regardless, the best way to prove to a judge that a restraining order is necessary is by keeping a record of everything that happens; the more detail that is given to a judge, the better. A good way to keep track of this information is by keeping a journal.

Read more about restraining orders, teens and restraining orders and whether a restraining order is the right choice for you.

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I had a baby with my abuser, and we finally broke up a while ago. Now I want to get full custody of our child. How do I do that?

- 19, Georgia

To change the custody agreement that you and your baby’s parent have, you would have to open a case in Civil Court and bring it up in front of a judge. The most important thing to remember is that when a case goes to the judge, the judge will make the decision about your custody arrangements. There is no way you can completely guarantee that the judge will give you full custody, but a custody agreement set by a judge might help regulate when you have to see your child's parent, how the child will go from one parent to the other, and whether it is safe for your child to visit his/her parent unsupervised. A custody agreement might also make your and your child's lives safer. Depending on the state, you may also be able to set child support, which is money that your child's parent has to pay every month to help with the costs of raising your child.

Because the rules are different in every state, it will be very important to speak to a lawyer or legal organization from your state about all of your options so you can make the best decisions for you and your baby.

Still have questions? Remember, you can ask us anything.

My parents threaten to get a restraining order against my girlfriend because they want us to break up. Can they do that?

- 16, California

Thank you for contacting Break the Cycle!

To answer your question, I want to first explain to you exactly what a restraining order is and how to get one. A domestic violence restraining order (DVRO) is a piece of paper, signed by a judge in the family law court, which makes it illegal for an abuser to come near or to contact his/her victim. The specific details about what a restraining order can and cannot do depend on the laws of each state.

In order to qualify for a domestic violence restraining order, you must have a "domestic" relationship with the abuser. In most states, you will qualify if the abuser is someone you are or were married to, you have a child with, you are an immediate relative of, or used to live with. In other states, you can qualify also if you are dating, involved in an intimate or sexual relationship, engaged to, or related by adoption, marriage, or the foster care system.

Since your parents do not have a "domestic" relationship with your girlfriend, it is unlikely that they will be able to get a domestic violence restraining order against her. If you are worried about it, you need to find out what specific requirements your state has on restraining orders.

Your question makes me wonder if there is a reason your parents believe your relationship with your girlfriend is unhealthy enough to take legal action to separate you from her. Take this quiz to find out if your relationship is healthy.

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A while ago I got a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend. In the beginning it worked fine, but recently, he has been sending me text messages saying he wants to talk to me. What do I do?

- 16, California

Violating a court order is a crime, and if your abuser is not complying with the terms of your restraining order, you should call the police. The police may then arrest your abuser for hurting you or violating your restraining or protective order and help you to document the abuse, including taking pictures of your injuries and interviewing witnesses. If necessary, they can also assist you to find help in your community at a local domestic violence shelter or agency.

For more information, see Calling the Police and About Restraining Orders or call 888-988-8336.

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I broke up with my boyfriend weeks ago and he continues to harass and leave threatening messages, asking why I am acting this way and cursing at me. He calls me more than 10 times a day and I fear that he will show up--he has before. I also have emails telling him to leave me alone and him refusing. Do my parents need to be involved in getting me a restraining order and do I have enough evidence?

- 17, California

Each state has different guidelines for granting a restraining order. In California, if a person has harassed you, made threatening phone calls, stalked you or disturbed your peace (among other things), this can be enough reason for a judge to grant a restraining order. The most effective way to prove to a judge that you need a restraining order is by keeping a record of everything that happens. That way, if you happen to be in court you want to be able to tell the judge specifics about your ex-boyfriend's abusive behaviors. A good way to keep track of this is by keeping a journal. You should also save any messages and emails he sends you.

In California, if you are 12 years old or older, you can get a restraining order without your parent's permission. However, if you are under 18 and you live with a parent or guardian, a copy of the restraining order has to be sent to one of your parents or guardian, unless a judge decides it's not in your best interest.

You said that your ex-boyfriend calls you many times a day. This is also abuse even if it's via cell phone. Do not respond to his messages because it might make it harder for you to get a restraining order or to file a criminal report. Some phone companies can block numbers from calling or texting you. Contact your provider and ask if they can do this. If they can't, perhaps changing your phone number is another possibility. Above all, don't hesitate to contact the police if you ever feel that you're in immediate danger.

Still have questions? Remember, you can ask us anything.