Cycle of Violence

I decided to give my ex another chance, hoping there will be change. Was this the right thing to do?

It is important to realize that when violence occurs in a relationship, it will likely happen again. Abuse is usually not a one-time incident; it tends to happen again, and it usually becomes worse. If your boyfriend has been abusive toward you in the past, it’s likely that he will act the same way again. This is what is called the cycle of abuse. You can learn more about the cycle of abuse here.

Change is not impossible but it is a hard and long process, and takes a lot of work and commitment from the abuser. The abuser must recognize and acknowledge that their actions and behavior were wrong and abusive. And it’s not something that the abuser can fix on their own; they must have professional help to make that change.

Keep in mind that if you begin to see warning signs again, it’s important to address it right away. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who will respect you, support you and treat you well. You also deserve to be happy and to feel happy about your relationship. Find out what you can do if you see warning signs of abuse.

Trust your instincts. It’s up to you to decide whether or not this relationship is the best thing for you. However, if you don’t feel respected or treated right, this relationship is not the healthy one you deserve.

My boyfriend tells me that I’m not worth fighting for and that I’m nothing and I’ll never be anything. If we were to work it out, how can I get him to stop?

- 18, Pennsylvania

Abuse is not just physical;there are manytypes of abuse and it can also be verbal/emotional. Just because you’re not being hit doesn’t mean you’re not being harmed. No one deserves to be in a relationship that harms them. You deserve someone who will say and make you feel just the opposite, that you are everything and absolutely worth fighting for.

Sometimes it feels like a relationship is improving because the person begins to treat you better. Unfortunately, that stage usually doesn’t last long and the abuse continues. This pattern is called the cycle of abuse. In most situations it only gets worse and you keep experiencing abuse.

As much as you may want him to change, only he can make that happen. So you have to seriously consider what you want to do. But keep in mind that your health and well-being are what matter most.

My boyfriend hit me last month, but he hasn’t hit me since and had never done it before. Can it be a one-time thing instead of a sign of an abusive relationship?

- 16, Ohio

Remember that if violence happens in a relationship, there is a chance it will happen again. Although you may think the first hit is a one-time thing, it may be the first of many hits to come.

Every relationship is different, many follow a pattern called the cycle of violence. In this cycle, there are times when violence doesn’t happen, often for long periods of time.

But the longer you stay in the relationship, the more often you may be abused by your boyfriend. The abuse may also get more serious. Check out the Cycle of Violence handout for more information.