My boyfriend likes to go out drinking with his friends like 3 times a week and sometimes they use drugs too. He always comes home in a bad mood. Sometimes he yells at me, pushes me around and calls me names. He doesn’t act this way when he is sober. I asked him to stop drinking but he won’t. Is it still abuse if he is drunk?
- 14, Mississippi
Yes! Alcohol and drugs do not cause domestic violence – they are just an excuse. Remember that physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse is the not okay or legal whether the abuser is sober or not.
Drugs and alcohol lower inhibitions, which make people more likely to do things they already want to do but normally wouldn’t. Sometimes, when people use alcohol or drugs, violent feelings or tendencies surface that they would usually control when sober.
But even if an abuser says that they couldn’t control their behavior because they were drunk or high, they are just making an excuse. The abuser is still choosing to get drunk or high and is always responsible for his or her actions.
If your boyfriend knows that using alcohol or drugs make him more likely to be violent and still chooses to use them, then he is choosing to be abusive. There is always a choice and he is choosing to hurt you.
Still have questions? Remember, you can ask us anything.
If you're in immediate crisis, call 911 or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1.866.331.9474 or chat now: