What if I get a restraining order and he won’t follow through? I know to call the police but what if it gets out of control where he just doesn’t care any more and tries to hurt me?

- 16, Washington

Your concerns are completely legitimate. When a person decides to end an abusive relationship, it can be the most dangerous time for them. Sometimes victims feel scared to get a restraining order because they worry that their abuser will become upset. But the important thing to keep in mind is that you deserve to be safe, free from violence and free from fear.

The best thing you can do to protect yourself is to create a safety plan to help ensure you are always safe. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that can help you avoid dangerous situations and know the best way to react when you are in danger. It helps you identify ways that you may be vulnerable or in potential danger so that you can come up with a plan to reduce that danger. For example, avoid going to places that this person knows you like to go; coming up with a secret word or phrase that would let someone know you are in danger; telling people where you’re going, calling them when you arrive and when you’re leaving; changing your route to/from school and work, etc. These are just some examples but there are several other ways to increase your safety.

If you haven’t already, consider telling someone that you trust about what’s going on. If you’re involved in an abusive relationship, you don’t want to go through it alone. It’s important to have all the support possible. And tell the person you trust your concerns about this individual. It’s good that someone else knows so that they can be on alert. Also, as much as possible, try to always be in the company of someone; reduce the amount of times you’re alone. And if you’re going somewhere, avoid lonely places and always be aware of your surroundings. Try not to walk far distances and instead drive to places you need to go to.

If you need assistance creating your safety plan, Break the Cycle can help.

What should I do to avoid abusive relationships?

- 16, Tennessee

One of the best things that anyone can do to avoid abusive relationships is to understand what an abusive relationship looks like in order to learn to identify the warning signs. Abusive relationships can look many different ways because there are different types of abuse. It can be physical, sexual or verbal/emotional. Without this understanding, it can be hard to see what may potentially be abuse in a relationship.

Another important thing is to ask yourself if, in general, you are happy in your relationship. Relationships are not perfect and you will not always feel happy–this can be okay. But if you find yourself feeling unhappy most of the time and happy only some of the time, then that may be a hint that something is not right. It may not necessarily mean that you are in an abusive relationship, but it’s still something that you shouldn’t ignore. It’s best to try to catch any problems early before they get worse. Remember, it’s not just about avoiding abusive relationships; making sure you’re happy in your relationship is just as important.

Relationships can mean different things to different people. It’s a good idea to ask yourself what a relationship means to you and then ask yourself if the person you are with is fulfilling that. Evaluate your relationship every once in a while to make sure you’re getting out of it what you want. And regardless of what you think a relationship should be, it’s important to keep in mind that a relationship should always be healthy and respectful. If you want to find out if your relationship is as healthy as you deserve, take this quiz to find out.