It is often difficult for someone in an abusive relationship to leave or end their relationship. It is also difficult to know what you can do to help someone you care about who is being abused. As much as you want to do everything you can to protect your loved one, remember that the decision to leave an abusive relationship or not can only be made by the person experiencing the abuse.  However, there are several ways you can help someone you know find their own way to escape abuse and become safe.

What Do I Need to Know?

The serious and painful effects of domestic violence could impact the victim’s desire and ability to end their relationship. They may have been told the abuse was their fault and they may feel responsible. Even though the relationship was abusive, they might feel sad and lonely when it’s over. And because there are many complex reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships, they may break up with and go back to the abuser many times. Remember that it may be difficult for them to talk about the abuse.

What Can I Do?

• Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who you think needs help. Tell them you are concerned for their safety and want to help.
• Be supportive and listen patiently.  Acknowledge their feelings about their relationship.
• Help them recognize that the abuse is not “normal” and is not their fault. Everyone deserves a healthy non-violent relationship.
• Focus on your friend or family member, not on the abuser. Even if your loved one stays with their abusive partner, it is important that they still feel comfortable talking to you about it.
• Be respectful of your friend or family members decisions about the relationship.
• Connect them to resources in their community that can give them information and guidance. Remember, Break the Cycle is always here to help.
• Help them develop a plan to end their relationship safely.
• If they break up with the abuser, continue to be supportive of them after the relationship is over.
• Even when you feel like there’s nothing you can do, don’t forget that by being there and by being supportive and caring – you are already doing a lot.