Ending an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time for someone experiencing dating violence. Violence often begins or gets worse when someone breaks up with their abusive partner. Getting a restraining or protective order can be a powerful tool to ending an abusive relationship as safely as possible.

What Do I Need to Know?

A restraining order—also sometimes called a protective order—is a court order that makes it illegal for the abuser to harm you, come near you or contact you.

Although the specific details vary by state, every state requires you to prove two things before you can get a restraining order:

• That a certain relationship exists between you and your abuser; and
• That there has been abuse, or a risk of abuse in that relationship.

Most states allow you to get a restraining order against your husband or wife, close family members, someone you had a child with, or someone you lived with. In some states, you may also get protection against someone you dated, were engaged to, or extended family members.

If you qualify for a restraining order, it can help keep you safe. Most states make it a crime for an abuser to come near or contact the victim in any way. You will need to contact the police if your abuser violates the order. Your abuser could face criminal penalties for violating the order.

What Can I Do?

A restraining order can’t guarantee your safety or change your abuser. But, combined with a safety plan it can help keep you safer. To decide whether a restraining order is right for you, consider these steps:

• Gather information about your state’s laws on restraining orders and how to obtain them. For help finding this information, contact Break the Cycle or a domestic violence agency in your area.
• Talk to a professional to help you decide whether a restraining or protective order is right for you. If you decide that you are ready to get a restraining order, seek out resources in your community that can assist you before, during and after the process.
• Remember, a restraining order can’t always keep you safe on its own. Making a safety plan with someone you trust can help keep you as safe as possible.