In many abusive relationships, violence is not a one time incident. The abuse usually happens again and again. While every relationship is different, many abusive relationships follow a repeating pattern called the Cycle of Abuse.
What Do I Need to Know?
The Cycle of Abuse has three phases: tension building, explosion and honeymoon. Each phase might be as short as a few seconds, or as long as several years. Over time, the honeymoon phase may get smaller and shorter as the explosions become more violent and dangerous. Relationships often start in the honeymoon phase. This can make it especially confusing and scary when the explosion phase happens for the first time.
ExplosionThere is an outburst of abuse that can include physical, sexual, verbal and/or emotional abuse. The abuser may: • Physically abuse you by hitting, kicking, pushing, choking, etc. • Scream and yell in a way that scares or humiliates you. • Rape or force you to go further sexually than you want to. • Threaten to hurt you. |
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Tension BuildingThings start to get tense in the relationship. You may feel like: •You have to tip-toe around your boyfriend or girlfriend so you don’t make them mad. • You can’t do anything right and that you’re getting blamed for things. • The person you’re with is always trying to start arguments or fights with you. |
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HoneymoonDuring this stage, the abuser will try and make you forgive and forget whatever just happened in the Explosion phase. They might do this by: • Saying “I love you.” • Apologizing and promising that it will never happen again. • Buying you flowers or other gifts. • Saying that you did something to cause the abuse or blames the explosion on other things, like being drunk or stressed out. |
What Can I Do?
If your relationship looks like this, you may be in an abusive relationship. You don’t have to go through it alone, and it’s important to seek help before the abuse gets worse. For more information, you can contact Break the Cycle by emailing us anonymously through Ask Anything.
If you're in immediate crisis, call 911 or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1.866.331.9474 or chat now: